Fifth: I have met a man who had powers. He fixed my eyesight, for 30 mins.. so I know he had.
He did it just by looking at me, btw.
Cayden: Too bad they were only temporary powers. :)
Should have paid the full subscription fee after the trial 30 minutes.
Fifth: Well, I think the effect was not intended, was just a collateral..
Anyway, he had about 5 of his students, as he called them, with him on that forest clearing
He was a shaman, so they were chanting there something holding hands, in a circle.
Suddenly he stops and asks "Wanna see UFO?"
Everybody fell silent.
Then he says, "OK, look up..." and after a few sec, there is an UFO.
Every last one of em saw it, and the descriptions matched.
That's it. ;)
Cayden: Heh. I once saw a UFO... and I became a conspiracy theorist...
I saw it over Fort Bliss in El Paso.
It moved around mach 17-20.... impossible speeds.
At least, that's how fast it looked, because of the distance it seemed to be at.
It seemed to be about the size of a football field... but very far off.
Years later, I joined the military and got a security clearance and I found out what it was.
Haven't believed a single UFO story since, lol.
Fifth: ok.. and what was it?
Cayden: The sort of thing you need a security clearance to read specs on.
But nothing extraordinary.
Turns out it was slightly larger than a stealth bomber, not anywhere near as far as it seemed (that was apparently intentional) and only moving about mach 7-8.
Fifth: holy shit!
Cayden: Lol, well, yeah, that's still a wow.
But still, SR71 broke what, 4,5 back in the 70s?
Fifth: umm yeah
Cayden: Long story short, noone will ever REALLY fuck with America. They will end before they really start, lol.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Cayden::The Story of the Flying Capuchin Fireball Monkey
Hi Tinstaafl, just in time for the strangest story you will ever hear.
Which is entirely true btw.
I used to do my schoolwork on a Windows 3.1.
At any rate, this 3.1 was SO high tech, it had a 3,5 inch floppy drive...
And a 5 inch FLOPPY drive. Lol.
It seriously took like 10 minutes to save a document.
I could hit save, walk away and eat, come back, and still have to wait. So, I normally just didn't bother to save.
And I had this English paper...
About 3 hours had gone by, I was REALLY on a roll, just typing my fucking ass off...
Oh no, was a psych paper, excuse me.
Was a 300 class, undergrad, so no need to do any real research. Just bullshit for like 10k words, or however many it was.
So here I am, fingers blazing, and suddenly, the computer crashes and the electricity goes out.
Everything.
Complete power down, including street lights outside, for like three blocks down.
And this FIREBALL, I shit you not, a FIRE BALL, goes careening across my yard, flies like 30 metres, from a good 20 metres in the air... bounces a couple times, lands in a patch of mud... and it just burns.
I see this shit out the window and I turn to my chick, and I'm like "!!!!"
And she's like "!!!!"
So we run outside and get to this FIREBALL.
Which is, seriously, a ball of fire.
We're looking at this... and there is a CAPUCHIN MONKEY - like the one from Aladdin? - laying there, on his back, charred all to shit, SHAKING.
I have a really great emote I do when i tell this story in reality.
It is one of life's great travesties that you will never see it.
So, he's laying there with this complete "oh shit" look on his face.
And we're looking at each other with a complete "oh shit" look on our faces.
Just to reiterate - this is El Paso, Texas.
Just north of the Mexican border.
I had enver seen a monkey in my life. Ever.
And here's this fucking monkey, who's laying there KFC-style in a ball of fire.
We stood there, not knowing what we should do, and the guy's emitting these little monkey-coughs of smoke.
*Cough* [tiny puff of smoke]
Then a car pulls up.
Some bigass Towncar or something, early eighties, a complete BOAT of a car - huge.
This, at the time, was a REALLY expensive car.
And it pulls up with this four foot eight EIGHTY YEAR OLD MAN in a white pimp-suit.
He gets out, and he's screaming: "WHO SHOT MAH MONKEY!!!"
"WHO SHOT MAH MONKEY!!!"
and I'm saying... "Umm... Nobody shot your monkey, sir...
But he was on fire...
I mean, what do you really say, right?
"Well, there I was working on a paper that will define my Abnormal Psychology 347 class, and suddenly a monkey exploded out of thin air and flew amidst a fireball across thirty metres of yard to land on the ground."
No. Just doesn't work, right?
So I was like "ummm... he was on fire?"
Which was pretty obvious.
He grabs this monkey, still smoldering, cradles him against what must have been a 10k usd suit, gets back in his car and drives off.
That's it.
Half an hour later the electric company truck shows up.
One of the ones with a big basket on it, that lifts to a higher storey.
We go out to find out what the fuck is going on and this guy is up there working on the transformer.
He says "what THE FUCK is THIS?!" and he tosses it down to me.
And I said "Ummmm... I think.... that that's a monkey paw."
And so it was.
There was a fried Capuchin Monkey paw in my transformer.
Which actually explains the whole Capuchin Monkey Fireball.
So, the next day I go to class, and I tell my professor I don't have the paper.
HE is shocked, as I'm a 4,0 student and demands to know why.
I tell him there is a very good reason, but I wil never be able to tell him, because he would believe I was lying, and that would follow me for the rest of my time in University.
Well, he got me to tell him anyway...
When I finished the story, he says "That is the most incredulous thing I have ever heard in my life.
"There is no way on God's Green Earth that you seriously expect me to believe that.
"That is SUCH a FUCKING REDICULOUS story...
"That you have either got to be telling the truth or you are the ballsiest liar I have ever met in my life.
"You have until Monday."
So... that is the story of the Flying Capuchin Fireball Monkey in El Paso Texas.
Which is entirely true btw.
I used to do my schoolwork on a Windows 3.1.
At any rate, this 3.1 was SO high tech, it had a 3,5 inch floppy drive...
And a 5 inch FLOPPY drive. Lol.
It seriously took like 10 minutes to save a document.
I could hit save, walk away and eat, come back, and still have to wait. So, I normally just didn't bother to save.
And I had this English paper...
About 3 hours had gone by, I was REALLY on a roll, just typing my fucking ass off...
Oh no, was a psych paper, excuse me.
Was a 300 class, undergrad, so no need to do any real research. Just bullshit for like 10k words, or however many it was.
So here I am, fingers blazing, and suddenly, the computer crashes and the electricity goes out.
Everything.
Complete power down, including street lights outside, for like three blocks down.
And this FIREBALL, I shit you not, a FIRE BALL, goes careening across my yard, flies like 30 metres, from a good 20 metres in the air... bounces a couple times, lands in a patch of mud... and it just burns.
I see this shit out the window and I turn to my chick, and I'm like "!!!!"
And she's like "!!!!"
So we run outside and get to this FIREBALL.
Which is, seriously, a ball of fire.
We're looking at this... and there is a CAPUCHIN MONKEY - like the one from Aladdin? - laying there, on his back, charred all to shit, SHAKING.
I have a really great emote I do when i tell this story in reality.
It is one of life's great travesties that you will never see it.
So, he's laying there with this complete "oh shit" look on his face.
And we're looking at each other with a complete "oh shit" look on our faces.
Just to reiterate - this is El Paso, Texas.
Just north of the Mexican border.
I had enver seen a monkey in my life. Ever.
And here's this fucking monkey, who's laying there KFC-style in a ball of fire.
We stood there, not knowing what we should do, and the guy's emitting these little monkey-coughs of smoke.
*Cough* [tiny puff of smoke]
Then a car pulls up.
Some bigass Towncar or something, early eighties, a complete BOAT of a car - huge.
This, at the time, was a REALLY expensive car.
And it pulls up with this four foot eight EIGHTY YEAR OLD MAN in a white pimp-suit.
He gets out, and he's screaming: "WHO SHOT MAH MONKEY!!!"
"WHO SHOT MAH MONKEY!!!"
and I'm saying... "Umm... Nobody shot your monkey, sir...
But he was on fire...
I mean, what do you really say, right?
"Well, there I was working on a paper that will define my Abnormal Psychology 347 class, and suddenly a monkey exploded out of thin air and flew amidst a fireball across thirty metres of yard to land on the ground."
No. Just doesn't work, right?
So I was like "ummm... he was on fire?"
Which was pretty obvious.
He grabs this monkey, still smoldering, cradles him against what must have been a 10k usd suit, gets back in his car and drives off.
That's it.
Half an hour later the electric company truck shows up.
One of the ones with a big basket on it, that lifts to a higher storey.
We go out to find out what the fuck is going on and this guy is up there working on the transformer.
He says "what THE FUCK is THIS?!" and he tosses it down to me.
And I said "Ummmm... I think.... that that's a monkey paw."
And so it was.
There was a fried Capuchin Monkey paw in my transformer.
Which actually explains the whole Capuchin Monkey Fireball.
So, the next day I go to class, and I tell my professor I don't have the paper.
HE is shocked, as I'm a 4,0 student and demands to know why.
I tell him there is a very good reason, but I wil never be able to tell him, because he would believe I was lying, and that would follow me for the rest of my time in University.
Well, he got me to tell him anyway...
When I finished the story, he says "That is the most incredulous thing I have ever heard in my life.
"There is no way on God's Green Earth that you seriously expect me to believe that.
"That is SUCH a FUCKING REDICULOUS story...
"That you have either got to be telling the truth or you are the ballsiest liar I have ever met in my life.
"You have until Monday."
So... that is the story of the Flying Capuchin Fireball Monkey in El Paso Texas.
Cayden::The Tranny Brothel Story
So, my bootcamp was in Chicago, Illinois.
After it, my paperwork wound up backed up, so I went on hold, waiting, for a few months.
During that time, I was pretty much put in charge of accountability for about a quarter of the people there...
So, I set it up so that my group of friends would alternate back and forth who'd be staying there to actually WORK, and the rest of us would go into town for a week.
Since we kept the rosters ourselves, we simply checked off that we were there...
And the only high ranking enlisted who were on hold there were the ones getting kicked out, so they never even showed up.
At some point, one of the guys accidentally discovered a bar-type thing in Chicago, it had an upstairs, and he found out the hard way that the women there weren't women.
But they REALLY looked like women. It was pretty convincing.
We'd take new guys there, to indoctrinate them into the group. We'd haze all the new guys we were letting into our administrative group, by taking them to this place, and hooking them up with a girl. "Girl" mind you.
The girls knew what we were doing, but they liked it, and didn't blow it for us, cus it was funny, and only one of them got hurt once. We paid for that one.
And who wants to fuck over a fun time for a bunch of good looking sailors, right? lol.
We had a bunch of different reactions.
One guy went upstairs with one, came down a half an hour later, swearing he had fucked her.
HER.
So... We knew he hadn't.
Which was ODD, because she was a whore.
s/he.
We asked her afterwards. She said he was "Just about the cutest man I've ever met... such a dork... he just wanted to talk the whole time."
A guy in a room with someone he thinks is a chick for 30 minutes, and he doesn't try to get his rocks off.
We had one dude walk in, say "that's the purdiest man I ever saw" and then laughed at us, he caught on instantly.
So we were like "waht the FUCK?" because NONE of these men looked like men. Not even like ugly women.
And he said he Mom had actually become a tranny when he was 16 o.O
So... We had one guy go up and fuck him.
Comes down, we KNEW he had done it, and we were like "WHAT THE FUCK?!!?"
Turns out he was gay, haha.
Joke's on us.
We had this one Puerto Rican guy, real suave guy.
He comes in here, and he walks in, and he doesn't even sit down. Walks right over to the "hottest" one and starts hitting on "her" and he's actually doing a REALLY good job of it, right?
Like, if it was a chick on the street, he'd be getting laid.
We don't interfere and I think a couple of the guys there were probably taking mental notes, he had really good lines.
At one point, he goes upstairs with 'her' and we, like with EVERY guy, sat there and had a betting pool.
NORMALLY what happens is that the guy comes down after about three minutes, pissed as FUCK.
Start swinging on us, etc...
We had learned where to sit, and how to arrange the money on the table so it didn't get mixed up.
Here we are with this betting pool going. 10 minutes into it, we've got probably fifty bucks on the table.
About when he's going to come down, what he's going to say, etc...
Twenty minutes in, we have well over a hundred bucks.
After FORTY FIVE MINUTES we have like 500 bucks on the table.
Half of us are saying he's gay.
I knew this guy, i knew the chicks he fucked--he wasn't gay.
I actually put down a bet that he had seriously fucked her up when he realized 'she' was a guy, and he was about to call one of us to come up there and bag the body.
We have like 500 bucks on the table... and he comes down the stairs.
He's COVERED in sweat.
His shirt is unbuttoned.
And he sits down at the empty chair...
And we're just looking at him (I think a couple guys moved their chairs a little away from him) and we were VERY silent for a few minutes.
And someone says "Man, you know that was a dude, right?"
And he says "Yeah... I didn't know she had already started blowing me... But by then I was so turned on, I just hit it anyway."
DEAD SILENCE.
And we started taking our money back. Not even splitting it up. Just silently picking up our cash... and left.
He went with us, but noone spoke a single word...
All the way back. Three hour ride back.
Noone said a thing..
He didn't wind up in the group.
After it, my paperwork wound up backed up, so I went on hold, waiting, for a few months.
During that time, I was pretty much put in charge of accountability for about a quarter of the people there...
So, I set it up so that my group of friends would alternate back and forth who'd be staying there to actually WORK, and the rest of us would go into town for a week.
Since we kept the rosters ourselves, we simply checked off that we were there...
And the only high ranking enlisted who were on hold there were the ones getting kicked out, so they never even showed up.
At some point, one of the guys accidentally discovered a bar-type thing in Chicago, it had an upstairs, and he found out the hard way that the women there weren't women.
But they REALLY looked like women. It was pretty convincing.
We'd take new guys there, to indoctrinate them into the group. We'd haze all the new guys we were letting into our administrative group, by taking them to this place, and hooking them up with a girl. "Girl" mind you.
The girls knew what we were doing, but they liked it, and didn't blow it for us, cus it was funny, and only one of them got hurt once. We paid for that one.
And who wants to fuck over a fun time for a bunch of good looking sailors, right? lol.
We had a bunch of different reactions.
One guy went upstairs with one, came down a half an hour later, swearing he had fucked her.
HER.
So... We knew he hadn't.
Which was ODD, because she was a whore.
s/he.
We asked her afterwards. She said he was "Just about the cutest man I've ever met... such a dork... he just wanted to talk the whole time."
A guy in a room with someone he thinks is a chick for 30 minutes, and he doesn't try to get his rocks off.
We had one dude walk in, say "that's the purdiest man I ever saw" and then laughed at us, he caught on instantly.
So we were like "waht the FUCK?" because NONE of these men looked like men. Not even like ugly women.
And he said he Mom had actually become a tranny when he was 16 o.O
So... We had one guy go up and fuck him.
Comes down, we KNEW he had done it, and we were like "WHAT THE FUCK?!!?"
Turns out he was gay, haha.
Joke's on us.
We had this one Puerto Rican guy, real suave guy.
He comes in here, and he walks in, and he doesn't even sit down. Walks right over to the "hottest" one and starts hitting on "her" and he's actually doing a REALLY good job of it, right?
Like, if it was a chick on the street, he'd be getting laid.
We don't interfere and I think a couple of the guys there were probably taking mental notes, he had really good lines.
At one point, he goes upstairs with 'her' and we, like with EVERY guy, sat there and had a betting pool.
NORMALLY what happens is that the guy comes down after about three minutes, pissed as FUCK.
Start swinging on us, etc...
We had learned where to sit, and how to arrange the money on the table so it didn't get mixed up.
Here we are with this betting pool going. 10 minutes into it, we've got probably fifty bucks on the table.
About when he's going to come down, what he's going to say, etc...
Twenty minutes in, we have well over a hundred bucks.
After FORTY FIVE MINUTES we have like 500 bucks on the table.
Half of us are saying he's gay.
I knew this guy, i knew the chicks he fucked--he wasn't gay.
I actually put down a bet that he had seriously fucked her up when he realized 'she' was a guy, and he was about to call one of us to come up there and bag the body.
We have like 500 bucks on the table... and he comes down the stairs.
He's COVERED in sweat.
His shirt is unbuttoned.
And he sits down at the empty chair...
And we're just looking at him (I think a couple guys moved their chairs a little away from him) and we were VERY silent for a few minutes.
And someone says "Man, you know that was a dude, right?"
And he says "Yeah... I didn't know she had already started blowing me... But by then I was so turned on, I just hit it anyway."
DEAD SILENCE.
And we started taking our money back. Not even splitting it up. Just silently picking up our cash... and left.
He went with us, but noone spoke a single word...
All the way back. Three hour ride back.
Noone said a thing..
He didn't wind up in the group.
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
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