Which is entirely true btw.
I used to do my schoolwork on a Windows 3.1.
At any rate, this 3.1 was SO high tech, it had a 3,5 inch floppy drive...
And a 5 inch FLOPPY drive. Lol.
It seriously took like 10 minutes to save a document.
I could hit save, walk away and eat, come back, and still have to wait. So, I normally just didn't bother to save.
And I had this English paper...
About 3 hours had gone by, I was REALLY on a roll, just typing my fucking ass off...
Oh no, was a psych paper, excuse me.
Was a 300 class, undergrad, so no need to do any real research. Just bullshit for like 10k words, or however many it was.
So here I am, fingers blazing, and suddenly, the computer crashes and the electricity goes out.
Everything.
Complete power down, including street lights outside, for like three blocks down.
And this FIREBALL, I shit you not, a FIRE BALL, goes careening across my yard, flies like 30 metres, from a good 20 metres in the air... bounces a couple times, lands in a patch of mud... and it just burns.
I see this shit out the window and I turn to my chick, and I'm like "!!!!"
And she's like "!!!!"
So we run outside and get to this FIREBALL.
Which is, seriously, a ball of fire.
We're looking at this... and there is a CAPUCHIN MONKEY - like the one from Aladdin? - laying there, on his back, charred all to shit, SHAKING.
I have a really great emote I do when i tell this story in reality.
It is one of life's great travesties that you will never see it.
So, he's laying there with this complete "oh shit" look on his face.
And we're looking at each other with a complete "oh shit" look on our faces.
Just to reiterate - this is El Paso, Texas.
Just north of the Mexican border.
I had enver seen a monkey in my life. Ever.
And here's this fucking monkey, who's laying there KFC-style in a ball of fire.
We stood there, not knowing what we should do, and the guy's emitting these little monkey-coughs of smoke.
*Cough* [tiny puff of smoke]
Then a car pulls up.
Some bigass Towncar or something, early eighties, a complete BOAT of a car - huge.
This, at the time, was a REALLY expensive car.
And it pulls up with this four foot eight EIGHTY YEAR OLD MAN in a white pimp-suit.
He gets out, and he's screaming: "WHO SHOT MAH MONKEY!!!"
"WHO SHOT MAH MONKEY!!!"
and I'm saying... "Umm... Nobody shot your monkey, sir...
But he was on fire...
I mean, what do you really say, right?
"Well, there I was working on a paper that will define my Abnormal Psychology 347 class, and suddenly a monkey exploded out of thin air and flew amidst a fireball across thirty metres of yard to land on the ground."
No. Just doesn't work, right?
So I was like "ummm... he was on fire?"
Which was pretty obvious.
He grabs this monkey, still smoldering, cradles him against what must have been a 10k usd suit, gets back in his car and drives off.
That's it.
Half an hour later the electric company truck shows up.
One of the ones with a big basket on it, that lifts to a higher storey.
We go out to find out what the fuck is going on and this guy is up there working on the transformer.
He says "what THE FUCK is THIS?!" and he tosses it down to me.
And I said "Ummmm... I think.... that that's a monkey paw."
And so it was.
There was a fried Capuchin Monkey paw in my transformer.
Which actually explains the whole Capuchin Monkey Fireball.
So, the next day I go to class, and I tell my professor I don't have the paper.
HE is shocked, as I'm a 4,0 student and demands to know why.
I tell him there is a very good reason, but I wil never be able to tell him, because he would believe I was lying, and that would follow me for the rest of my time in University.
Well, he got me to tell him anyway...
When I finished the story, he says "That is the most incredulous thing I have ever heard in my life.
"There is no way on God's Green Earth that you seriously expect me to believe that.
"That is SUCH a FUCKING REDICULOUS story...
"That you have either got to be telling the truth or you are the ballsiest liar I have ever met in my life.
"You have until Monday."
So... that is the story of the Flying Capuchin Fireball Monkey in El Paso Texas.
